ON HOLDING SPACE
There is an idea out there now that we can “hold space” for people, for ideas, for grief, for emotion, for moments. The idea of holding space was popularized by life coach Heather Plett, in a viral post in 2015. Heather now has a whole Centre for Holding Space, and a beautiful and helpful explainer page on what holding space is.
I bring this up because holding space is a key to helping each other through, in this time of rising intensity.
I bring this up because holding space is also a key to growing and building connection with other people.
There are lots of other pieces to connecting with people and building connection, but holding space for it is really very important. It helps to allow connection. It helps connection to build and grow.
I say all of that because Fierce Community is hosting a late evening Zoom tonight tonight on “Connecting With Other People & Why It’s So Critical Now.”
It will be an informal session. It might be a super small group, which can be pretty cool for connection. But a bunch of people might sign up today — maybe including you — so that would also be very cool for connection… because then we all get to meet more neat people.
WHY ARE WE TALKING CONNECTION? ISN’T IT PRETTY BASIC?
We’re talking about connection on a zoom because yes, it can be pretty basic, but also it’s hard. Lots of us are not good at it. Some of us are good at connecting in some ways to some people but not in other ways. There are always things we can learn. We can expand. We can share with each other ideas, challenges, and successes.
But we’re talking about connection because it is so critically essential to getting through everything that’s happening around us, and a whole lot of us are going to need more connection to get through it.
It’s at the heart of so many things.
Yet actually connecting with people takes courage. It takes risk. It takes vulnerability. In fact here’s a great and now classic TED Talk on how vulnerability builds connection by Brene Brown.
Connecting with people also takes investment. It takes time. It takes being actually open to getting connected. It can mean paying attention to moments. It can mean seeing people for who they are, or for where they are in a particular moment.
Connection is a thing we can build and grow and get better at, even here in the midst of rising instability. We can also connect with each other; with this community right here. Anyway, here’s the sign-up for tonight if you’re free. It’s later at night to catch more westerly time zones, yet all are welcome.
And I have to apologize as I had to cancel Monday’s earlier evening session, because of my own trouble holding space that night. That’s in a quick story in the next section…
HOLDING SPACE CAN BE A CHALLENGE
I had to cancel Monday night’s event on connection because I absolutely could not hold space for it. I just couldn’t. It was a very last minute cancellation because I kept thinking I could do a zoom, and we had a neat group of people signed up. But sometimes life is so powerful, and other things have your attention.
A friend of mine passed away that evening. There’s a whole story that goes along with that, but it’s not mine to share.
My energy Monday was with my friend and her family as they navigated really heard stuff. I was holding space for her, even though there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to help. But that’s what I needed to do.
That kind of challenge has been happening a lot in my life lately — having trouble holding space. I have really been having trouble holding space lately. For this work. For this moment. For what I’m trying to do in the world. All kinds of things.
People in my life are having challenges. I’m having trouble seeing or supporting all the people in my life who are having challenges. I’m having challenges with things happening around me that have been made more complicated by everything that is changing so fast up in this country. I’m struggling with all of that. It’s not great.
I would guess that’s true for many people reading this.
We have the every day life stuff, and then we have all of the everything unfolding around us. It is a new adventure every single day, but more in the roller-coaster-with-loose-bolts kind of adventure way than the fun-trip-with-friends or other fun adventure kind of way.
I know this.
Connection is part of how I’m getting through all of this, including my own challenges. It’s not solving it all. It’s not even necessarily making any of it better. But it is helping me find my own way through it. The connections I have are helping me cope. The connections I have are ways I can love people and support people and how they do that for me. And so on. I see so many people doing all that for each other. Sometimes we just need someone to listen, to witness, or to just be with us as we experience hard stuff. Any of us can do that, and any of us can receive that.
Fierce Community is holding space for connection because I imagine there are hundreds of thousands of us having similar trouble and challenges, while also having needs for connection, while also having so much to offer.
Connection is one way we find our way forward and through. It is a tool, a strengthener, and a motivator. It’s so many things.
Anyway, here’s to you and yours, and also to the people you haven’t even connected with yet. We get through together.
Onward, forward, and through.
The Zooms and other work here is made possible by people who donate to this work through ActBlue, through Patreon, and through paid Substack subscriptions.
Vanessa Burnett is the director at Fierce Community. This nonprofit work promotes civic engagement through connection, community, creativity, leadership, empowerment, alliances, and resilience in an era of rising instability and societal disruption. It’s through-finding by countering fear. Vanessa is a social entrepreneur, advisor, and empower-er with a systems-level understanding of the pieces and parts that modern society needs in order to survive. She has over 25 years experience in resilience-building, civic engagement, coalition-building, critical infrastructure, systems thinking, big disasters, catastrophes, wildland fire, emergency management, incident management, land management, park rangering, homeland security, continuity of operations (COOP), continuity of government (COG), technology innovation, public communication, and disaster information sharing.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this. And I am glad you were able to take care of, and hold space for YOU.